Grantham – Crawley

Funny how some of the most trying days begin so early: this morning I was kicked off a BBC radio interview by the hotel staff so that they could use the hotel’s phone to book a cab. Turns out that the cab in question was being booked for me, at my Tour Manager’s request.

On the train to Crawley, I broke out a tooth. When we arrived, we rushed to the hotel to try to book a dentist- the hotel had given our rooms to someone else.

Oddly enough, tonight’s show is the biggest audience we’ve had yet.

Cute, but would you go see it?

I had to go to the public library to give a pre-show talk about adapting LOTR into a solo stage show. The people who came out for it were so cute, like rows of attentive kittens. I just wanted to take them all home with me. They’d never fit in my suitcase though.

Bye Crawley!

**It’s the next day and we’re heading to Southend. The performance last night was great- big house too:)

Adorable Kittens!

Started the morning with another 7:30 am BBC interview (this one completely uninterrupted), and now I’m off to the dentist before I catch the train. Regardless of how bad a dentist appointment may be chances are I’ll have a better smile because of it.

God! I need a coffee…

Sun 1 - Snow 0 When the sun shines here the whole world smiles.

I woke up this morning to see a bluish sky above Stevenage.

So nice. Why couldn't it have been like this on my day off?

It’s amazing how even just a little bit of sun can make all of the difference.

I got on the train and sat in the first class car because I have a dandy BritRail train pass. It gives me non-stop travel for thirty days on the extensive UK rail lines. You have to be North American to be eligible for it, but- damn- if you’re planning on seeing the UK, it’s the only way to go. Plus you get free coffee in 1^st Class! Which makes it totally, totally worth it!

Outasight!

Beware the menu in 1st class though:

Buy this ciabatta or the children will suffer!

We arrived in Grantham, took a cab driven by a sour old fart of a man, and checked into a nice little B&B, with free internet- hence this post. My room has a TV about the size of a sugar cube.

Afterwards, I popped over to the Arts Centre, where I’m performing tonight. Apparently, the internet and telephone aren’t in service at the Arts Centre because they’re in the midst of moving the box office. I wondered: how are people supposed to buy tickets for the show, but it thought better not to ask. All will be revealed.

The theatre itself is lovely, with a bunch of crazy cool vintage chandeliers on the ceiling. The auditorium is painted sort of a nightmarish pinky-orange, which somehow suits it. Besides, theatres are meant to be dark.

If this theatre is haunted, as so many are, I’d say it'd be a fabulous one. Gaudy anyone? Love it.

Grantham is a lovely town.

The cafes seem nice, but I avoided this one:

We got a C+ back 2006!

Just as a sidebar: Sir Issac Newton was born and raised in wee place near enough to here so that Grantham can lay claim upon him. There’s a lovely statue of S.I.N. in the square across from the Arts Centre. For those of you who don’t remember: Sir Issac Newton was the guy who discovered how stuff figs into pastry.

The Man and his bag of Fig Newtons.

I want to know who invented Hot Dogs in Brine?

Barf!

Gross.

Bye for now.

Strawberry Fields got stuck in my head (big time) yesterday.

Trains Rock!

I was on the train from

to

-and there were fields of cabbages. Miles and miles, as far as I could see- or kilometers and kilometers, which never sounds as impressive- or hundreds of thousands of millimeters. I tried to get you photographic proof of this marvel:

They're just behind the bushes.

Apparently the smell from them rotting in the fall is barfingly wretched. There’s fine line between food and garbage. For instance, you order sushi at a restaurant like this:

Oh yeah!

But, drop it on the floor like I saw today at a Tescos in Stevenage:

Oh gross! See the wooden chopsticks? Doesn't the "caution" sign look like it slipped on the sushi? Oddly enough, I came back hours after this photo and it was still there.

Hungry?

I watched the Super Bowl last night. Couldn’t give a toss about it.

Get it? Toss? Football? A? Hilarious. Seriously though, I don’t give a crap about it.

The show at the Gordon Craig Theatre was great- I was surrounded by Michaels. There were two technicians at the theatre: Mike and Mikey.

From left to right: Mike and Mike. The other goes by "Mikey" though.

Along with Michael Wozniak, our opening comic.

It must have gotten a bit confusing for everyone because the comedian’s microphone stand (accidentally) wasn’t cleared from the stage during the interval. So I had to begin my performance by clearing it myself.

Sigh…I can’t work under these conditions.

See what happens when Mikey and Mike fail to strike Michael’s mic?

It’s desperately trying to snow today- no success thus far.

Just watched the movie 2012. I’ll never get that time back.

I tried to add some photos to my first UK post, but wordpress didn’t like them. Let’s see if they like these:

Yay! Do I looked tired and insane? That's because this the face a mad person.

The train stations here are beautiful in a horrible iron and perma-dirty kind of way.

It's hard to capture the scale of St. Pancras Station- believe me- it's big.

Christine, my Tour Manager, is so excited about touring the UK on the train. What a chance to take in the countryside.

Pure excitement! Look at the sheep, and that castle, and look at the...Christine?

For me I can’t imagine sleeping on the train. I can hardly sleep at all. Jet-lag is evil. What I could really use  is a blanket with sleeves so I can sit on my ass and never have to worry about getting cold- even if I have to answer the phone. When will they ever come up with a genius device like that?

Hallelujah!

More to come!

Cold, damp and slightly overcast: it must be February in the UK.

One Man Lord of the Rings is marching to every corner of this fine island- it’s the first time I’ve toured it outside of North America. 47 cities in two months! I’m sure Iron Maiden has had tougher touring schedules that this- but were they lugging around 100 lbs of stuff?

This blog might help me distinguish one day from another. The trains, sandwiches and hotels are already blurring together. I’m getting by on short-term memory: room numbers, directions to the theatre, and “where’s the Marks and Spencers?”. I only retain odd details like: the B&B cat that brought me a dead mouse as a present, or the landlord who resembled a human root vegetable, and the hotel elevator that smell of iced tea, perfume, and mustard.

I’ve arrived in Margate today for our Saturday night show at the Theatre Royal. When we got here it was bright and sunny- now the fog is so intense that I can hardly see the traffic from my second storey window. How the heck I’m to navigate my way back to the theatre, who knows? It’s the first time I’ve ever been here.

Post-show Margate: good show, great theatre, microphone stopped working in the middle of Two Towers, but I grabbed my spare and soldiered on. Oh, and the opening comic didn’t show up for the gig. Heh. Live theatre- I love it!

You’ve arrived… This is the right place for showtimes & info
for Charles Ross’ One Man Lord of the Rings!